Making Up and Breaking Up
by Number IX Demyx
Summary: A parody of various fanfic genres.
1. Set 1 Acts 1 to 4

PART 1: THE BREAK-UP FIC

Demyx dragged himself out of bed, exhausted from the night before. He grabbed a cup of coffee, hoping that no one spoke to him or even breathed in his direction before he finished his first cup. Unfortunately, this would not be the case, as Axel appeared, looking steamed. (excuse the pun)

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"… getting coffee, what does it look like?"

"No, I mean what are you doing with my ex?"

"You broke up with Roxas like… three months ago. He's fair game. Don't you know the rules of breaking up?" Axel tapped his foot impatiently.

"No. Enlighten me."

"First month is for grieving, second month you get drunk and forget about it, the third month you have sex with anything that moves and pick the best one. DUH." He took a sip of coffee. "If you don't follow the rule, you didn't break up properly."

(Note from NIXD: I JUST PWNED EVERY BREAK-UP FIC IN EXISTANCE. Oh, what's a break-up fic? Example: Bishie 1 breaks up with Bishie 2 and in his grief, Bishie 1 runs off and has random sex with Bishie 3, who is usually the villain in the series and Bishie 2 comes to the rescue, kicks Bishie 3's ass and has random sex with Bishie 1. Or a terrifying AU bondage scene.)

ACT 2: THE OC PAIRING FIC

Kyuubi wallowed in his own self pity, contemplating at what moment his life went to ninth level of hell. He pinned his ears back against his head, getting increasingly annoyed at himself (since getting pissed off at the world is overrated.) He glanced up to see… a girl. A scantily clad catgirl plastered in fishnet. "HI KYUUBI!"

"… You know my name?"

"I'm your girlfriend, silly!"

"… no seriously, who the fuck are you?"

"I'm Neko-chan!" The catgirl squealed. Kyuubi mentally came up with a recipe for dead catgirl. She grinned , trying to look gorgeous which pissed off Kyuubi even more.

"Well I'm Yumi-chan from the magical land of flying unicorns and gumdrop mountains. I need to go back to the magical gingerbread castle and rule over my fluffy empire." She didn't pick up the social cue.

"But you promised to train with me and my best friend, Sasuke!" Now Kyuubi felt his ears getting hot and his tail bristling out. He whipped out his cellphone. "Hello, is NumberIXDemyx there? … YES THIS IS URGENT. … Tell that Avatar reject that if he doesn't cut this fic short I'm going to fucking kill someone!"

-TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES D:-

(NIXD: What? Sorry, I was playing Phoenix Wright. I KNOW THE EVIL PLOT BEHIND EDGEWORTH'S JABOT. … Oh, a message from Kyuubi? … he cut the fic short, didn't he? Thought so. But he put up with the mary-sue the longest and that's something to be proud of. Now if you excuse me I'm going to go throw popcorn at people tossing Edgeworth/Phoenix yaoi around.)

ACT 3: THE SOB STORY OC FIC

Sitting in a cheap folding chair in a cheap community center was not one's idea of fun, but for those with problems it was necessary. In a this somber circle was Yuki Sohma, Edward and Alphonse Elric, Gaara, Sasuke Uchiha, and Suki-chan. The leader of the therapy group, Tidus Winchester, sat up straight in his tacky chair and flicked his white cat tail thoughtfully. "Thank you all for coming." Sasuke looked around, as if he was mapping out the room in his mind and noting the nearest exits, emergency or otherwise. "I would like to begin by introducing ourselves and why we are here today."

"I'm Yuki Sohma and the head of my family beat me on a regular basis and my only friend is livestock."

"I'm Edward Elric and I tried to revive our mother who died when I was 8, lost my leg and arm, and brought back a pile of organs instead."

"I'm Alphonse Elric… yeah, what he said except it was my body and all we were able to salvage was my soul."

"I'm Gaara and I have a demon locked inside me, which made all the other kids mock and shun me and then my father tried to kill me."

"I'm… do I have to do this? Fuck, fine. I'm Sasuke Uchiha and my brother slaughtered my entire clan and let me live. And then I betrayed my entire village to get revenge." Everyone stared at Sasuke. "… and I still haven't killed him." Ed stifled a laugh, but was silenced by his brother.

"I'm Suki-chan and I was raped by every man I knew, beaten by my parents who were killed in a car accident, and now my evil twin frames me for everything." Tidus tilted back in his chair.

"Someone came in last week with the same problem, at least the last part. Spiky blonde hair, red coat, mechanical arm, said his brother killed people and blamed it on him… eh, could've been anyone." He shook it off and looked back at his group, which had turned their attention to the girl.

"… and now I cut myself every day."

"Get the hell out, not even Gaara is pathetic enough to do that." Sasuke folded his arms, and slumped in his seat.

"But you didn't-"

"That's right, we didn't rape you." Yuki turned to Al, but decided it was best to keep his comment to himself. Tidus nodded.

"So not every man. I'm sorry, Suki-chan, but you have been voted off the therapy group. Take your torch and the exit is over there. … Sasuke where do you think you're going?"

(NIXD: Wow, I need to do more of these type of fics. And by the way, sob story rapes belong in Law and Order: SVU fics… and there shouldn't BE any Law and Order: SVU fics. I must return to the Demyx tree of throwing… ja ne.)

ACT 4: THE PAIRING BROTHERS WHO HATE EACH OTHER FIC

NIXD: The original idea came from a fan banter I totally missed out on which pains me. Nevermind.

Their entire relationship was in jeopardy, and Naruto was going to fix it all. He approached Sasuke and took a deep breath. "What do you want?" Sasuke snarled.

"Sasuke… I have something to tell you. I've been cheating on you with Itachi."

"Naruto, I have something to tell you... So have I." The blonde blinked in surprise.

"But… he's your brother."

"Mhm."

"And… you hate him."

"True."

"And… you want to kill him."

"Been working on that."

"So why are you sleeping with him?!"

"TO BECOME STRONGER, DUH!" Sasuke yelled back, ready to slam the door dramatically if need be.

"That's retarded!" 

"No it's not! It makes absolute sense!" Sasuke folded his arms. "If it's so retarded, prove me otherwise." Naruto was close to admitting defeat. Nevermind the fact that his lover was cheating on him with his brother that slaughtered his entire clan, let him live so he would suffer, and is now running with a bad crowd, he could not find a single point he could argue with.

NIXD: OBJECTION! That was… objectionable!

INTERMISSION: A FEW QUESTIONS

NumberIXDemyx: What? I was supposed to parody something? Yeah, apparently I was. So what have we covered so far… the break-up and the OC pairing. I was going to sit in a tree and throw shit at people who pair Reno and Rude but for some reason I get a call from Yet Another Parody Productions insisting I write another act for this stupid fic or lack thereof. Even worse, I get to answer these… comments, criticism, ramblings? I dunno, whatever you call it. So here are some questions that pretty much will be posed so I'm gonna just jump the gun on this one and type out a QIKYGA (Questions I Know You're Gonna Ask). Here we go.

Dear NIXD;

You appear to hate yaoi. Is this true?

… where to begin…

Dear Romantically Confused Fan;

It's not that I hate yaoi. It's just that most of it makes not a damn bit of sense. Pairings are a good place to start, since I highly doubt anyone with a conscience or doesn't want to entertain the idea of showing up on the Jerry Springer show would have sex with a sibling, buttsex or otherwise. Next pairing group, pairing enemies. If I were a villain, the first instinct I would have is to slaughter the dude rather than sleep with him. Individually, many of the characters are straighter than Billy Graham's train of thought. Thus, none of it makes any sense.

-Your Pretty Straight Nobody, NumberIXDemyx

Wow… that was long. Next QIKYGA!

Dear NIXD;

I have an idea of what to make fun of. Can I send it to you?

Huh… well this is a first.

Dear Aspiring Satirist (ha ha, it almost spells Sitarist);

Yes, you can. Although I reserve the right to showcase your idea, assuming it blows, in a future Intermission and mock it from here to kingdom come, so by all means, give me stuff to make fun of!

-Your Witty Nobody, Demyx

Oh yes. I'm so clever.

Dear NIXD;

I didn't like how you made fun of (this pairing) because I really really like it so it's not funny and it's OTP and I collect fanart for it-

I'm stopping right there, you get the idea. Why do people assume whatever pairing they support is the only plausible pairing in the universe? RIDDLE ME THIS, BATMAN. MUAHAHAHA.

Dear Regular Y-Gallery Visitor;

I don't care what you and your stupid fangirl friends like, I will make fun of it. You can't tell me what I can and can't make fun of because that's what ADMINISTRATORS ARE FOR. If they don't like it, they can delete it and I'll find somewhere else to post my stuff. If you have the right to write dirty fanfics that crossed from yaoi to just plain gay, I have the right to rip on it. No, Auron and Tidus will not have creepy babies. No, Sasuke won't make out with his brother at the drop of a hat. And God forbid that SasuNaru fans crawl up my ass about the first episode! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. THEY GAGGED. END OF STORY. BLARGAFLAGGLESTICK. … I'm good. I'm okay… what was I talking about again? Eh, forget it.

-Your Offensively Addicting Nobody, Demyx

There's one more thing I don't get about the previous statement. If you don't like what I wrote, why are you reading it?! It's not that difficult to stop, just click the "Back" button on whatever browser you use. It's that simple.

I'm done. Go home.


	2. Set 2 Acts 5 to 9

It's been a long-ass time since Making Up and Breaking Up was uploaded. As promised, here are some more acts!

SERIES IN PART 2

Act 5: The Bondage Fic (Written by 15 Year Olds): Kingdom Hearts

Act 6: The Pokemon Godmoder Fic : Pokemon

Act 7: The Blowing Emo out of Proportion Fic: Hellsing

Act 8: The "Wait What About the Sequels" Fic: Phoenix Wright

Act 9: The Foreign Language Song Fic: Spice and Wolf

INTERMISSION

* * *

**ACT 5: THE BONDAGE FIC (WRITTEN BY 15 YEAR OLDS)**

The Noporeon was lucky, few ventured into Xemnas's basement because frankly… it was a little creepy. Under the guise of a research paper, NIXD (NumberIXDemyx, the Noporeon AKA the author) scaled down the ladder, pad and pencil in his mouth. He jumped down and sat up on his hind legs, putting on a pair of latex gloves. "Sorry… I'm a germophobe." He just made it up, hoping that excuse would suffice and thankfully it did. "Thank you for seeing me on such short notice. I do hope I'm not infringing on your privacy."

"Not at all." In front of them was a table of various implements, some made of leather, some out of metal, but all looked incredibly painful.

"So this is what you use to torture… what's his name… the one with the chicken hair…?"

"Saix." Xemnas finished NIXD's train of thought.'

"Yeah, Saix." NIXD picked up an eggbeater tied to a Big Mouth Billy Bass. "Now what do you use this for?"

"I haven't the slightest idea. It seemed like a good idea at the time." The Noporeon shrugged and put it down, picking up a wooden spoon with an angry face painted on it. "That is for- … nevermind, you don't want to know."

"You'd be correct sir." The next implement on the table could only be described as a ping pong ball impaled on a screwdriver which was glued to a shoebox top. "Who wrote this fic again?"

"That would be keybladegrl489." Xemnas kept a straight face despite the maw of his guest contorting in horror.

"Does she even know how the whole bondage thing works?"

"I doubt it."

(Note to future writers of lemons; KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE WRITING ABOUT. I'm probably not exaggerating when I say there's probably a fic that involves spanking with a dead fish.)

* * *

**ACT 6: THE POKEMON GODMODER**

Unfortunately for the Noporeon, it was a hot day, and he hated those since dark colors heat up faster. He was curled up on a shady rock on the edge of a river, dozing off to the sound of the breeze ruffling the leaves and cicadas singing to their potential mates. Suddenly he was hit in the head by something smooth… but hard. He sat up and rubbed his head. "Ow! What the hell?!" He looked around for the source, getting up to all fours and arching his back threateningly. A human emerged from the underbrush.

"Rats! I didn't catch it!"

"Well no shit! You didn't even battle me!" He snapped back. The trainer released a Rayquaza.

"Wait, isn't there only one of those in the entire world?"

"Yep! And I started with it!" N-IX-D flattened his ears.

"Okay, seriously, you gotta be shittin' me." The trainer looked confused. "They wouldn't leave a beginner with the god of the fucking ozone! It's tactically stupid! Besides, what level is that thing?"

"100."

"How many badges do you have?"

"All of them."

"How long ago did you start?"

"Two weeks."

"Point proven. Take your Rayquaza somewhere else." Angered, the trainer released her remaining Pokemon; Celebi, Lugia, Ho-Oh, Mewtwo, and Mew.

"You do know I completely annihilate your entire team, right?"

"But they're all legendaries!"

"Exactly my point. A team of all legendaries doesn't make you powerful it makes you stupid. It's strategically moronic, load up the most powerful Pokemon with the most powerful attacks, which couldn't hit a Mack Truck even if it was painted with a target and five feet away, and hit or miss you can't attack the next turn because your almighty legendaries are completely exhausted after using one attack and leaving them wide open for an assault. That random Caterpie over there could bitchslap your entire team! And I'm EV trained, so your legendaries can eat my Ice Beam." He turned around and wiggled his rear. "You can kiss this because I'm not gonna fight you."

"Are you too scared?"

"Of scarring you for life after your humiliating loss? Yes, I am."

* * *

**ACT 7: THE BLOWING EMO-NESS OUT OF PROPORTION FIC**

Integra adjusted the laptop on her lap, scrolling through all of the mind-numbing sites her Google search brought up. She adjusted her glasses, bored out of her mind. She wasn't allowed to do anything strenuous, since apparently stabbing yourself in the neck with a knife warrants being under house arrest with forced bed rest. Recently she had taken to putting random words through Google and seeing what comes up. "I know you're there, Alucard. You aren't even trying." Her indentured servant, the vampire Alucard, appeared out of the shadows.

"I'm just hiding from my pain." Integra glanced up at Alucard.

"What pain?" Her gaze shifted back to the screen. "You get to kill anything that moves and don't get charged with murder, count your blessings." Alucard raised a knife to his throat. "Ha ha, Alucard. Stop mocking me." Her voice sounded monotone, but was peppered slightly with annoyance. He moved the knife to his wrist, slicing it open and licking the knife. "What are you trying to accomplish?"

"Releasing my pain."

"I'm not sure if you're accomplishing that. But I can tell you what you _are_ succeeding at. BLOCKING THE TV AND PISSING ME OFF." She snarled. He moved to the side. "Thank you." She returned to Googling, looking up at the TV occasionally to see if the news was reporting anything that sounded like vampire activity. Meanwhile, in his reject corner, Alucard continued cutting himself. "You're fucking with my chi." That was the last straw.

"I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS ANY LONGER." He jammed the knife in his throat. The two stared at each other.

"Alucard, you couldn't kill yourself if you tried. Now piss off, you're totally mocking me at this point."

"You just don't understand me!" Alucard disappeared into the shadows.

"Fucking My Chemical Romance…" Integra muttered, picking up the remote and flipping through the channels. "Huh. _Cannibal Holocaust_ is on."

* * *

**ACT 8: THE "WAIT WHAT ABOUT THE SEQUELS" FIC**

Cheryl had been a forensic investigator for many years and has had very little sick days. Unfortunately, this was one of them. She just got off the phone with the judge to let him know that her colleague, Destati, would be presenting the evidence in court. Thankfully, this trial was televised, so she could watch and then criticize how Destati handled it later. In a cold-induced haze, she started to doze off. Destati's evidence presentation tactics were, for the lack of better words, boring. It just hit her; she didn't know who was against who. "Hey! Ammy!" Her roommate and brother, Amarok, poked his head out.

"What is it?"

"Who's working this case?"

"That would be the pretty boy… Klavier I think, and Phoenix Wright." Even when doped up on cold medicine, Cheryl still could smell a discrepancy a mile away.

"Didn't Klavier hand Wright's ass to him on a silver platter 7 years ago?" Amarok scratched his head.

"If I remember correctly."

"And Wright got disbarred."

"That I know for a fact." Now she was confused.

"Then what the hell is he doing?!" Both of them blinked blankly. "God damnit I wish I was there right now." She buried her face in her pillow.

"Now now, Cher. You know that would be unfair to them all. Because that's too easy. Wait until you get better."

"Then bitch?"

"Then bitch."

(Seriously. I don't mind it when they state that "okay, pretend this didn't happen." It's stupid, but what can you do? It's when they DON'T state it and you go "wait what? I'm so damn confused!" that drives me up a wall.)

* * *

**ACT 9: THE J-POP SONG FIC**

(Told from Horo's point of view.)

The autumn winds are the best. Carrying a scent of harvest.

_Dame ne nan no tameni umarete_

_Kita no watashi_

Wait, what was that?

_Yaku ni tatanai musume_

Is that a song?

_Wakaru_

_Ari no mama no jibun no gomekasenai to_

What the hell does that even mean?!

_Mizu ni utsuru hare ga sugata_

_Shiranai hito ni mieru wa_

Where's my Japanese dictionary…?

_Kakusenai wa jibun rashi sa_

_Honto to watashi itsu no hi ka?_

flipping through her Japanese dictionary That doesn't have anything to do with what I just said!

_Kanarazu utsuru_

_Itsu no hi ka?_

That's it. Lawrence, we're leaving. Now.

(The thing about J-Pop lyrics is that when you put them in Japanese, it doesn't make you look cool because you know how to use copy and paste. It confuses the hell out of anyone who reads your fanfiction. Either put the entire fic in Japanese or don't have any in there at all.

And for those who wonder what song was used here, it's the Japanese version of Reflection. Yes, from Mulan. I'll be damned if I remember any non-Disney lyrics.)

* * *

**INTERMISSION**

I hope you enjoyed this latest set of Making Up. No QIKYGA this time. Instead, it's a small how-to manual on how you can help Making Up.

_If you have an idea for something for Making Up to mock…_

Excellent! I get writer's block very often. The best format to submit an idea would be the theme (The fillintheblank Fic), the fandom that best represents it, and a link to an example. However I do have rules as to what will be used.

_PLEASE LIMIT NARUTO SUBMISSIONS_. Seriously. Naruto isn't the only anime in the universe. I get bored of writing about Naruto all the time.

_NO NON-ANIMATED MOVIES OR TV SHOWS_. Animated movies (Balto, The Lion King, etc) are A-okay. Pirates of the Caribbean and Titanic are not. The only live action thing I will write is Supernatural. That's it.

_FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO FUCKING HARRY POTTER._ Fanfics already ruined Harry Potter for me and frankly I'm tired of hearing about it.

**I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO REJECT YOUR IDEAS ON THE FOLLOWING BASES…**

-Your idea sucks or I've done it already.

I- have no idea what the hell you're talking about.

-You use excessive chatspeak and/or emoticons. See above.

-You were too broad.

I also reserve the right to make fun of your idea (assuming it sucks) in a future intermission.

If your idea is used, your name will be given credit under the Act title.

And I'd like to pimp out happycabbage75's Supernatural fanfiction. It reads like a real episode, go read some right fucking now.

Making Up and Breaking Up Set 3 will appear whenever! So go grab some refreshments.


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